In your prime, Rei!
by mrs-ishida
Summary: KaixReixTala.the ultimate triangle! Very sad. contains slash. COMPLETED! chap18:final chapter! A run down of what everyone is doing after 3 months, with deep a commentary for each tale. Tala and Kai in bliss. Rei finds a way to recover from his loss. Brya
1. Dreams cause more pain than joy

HELLO!!! This is a songfic! The song is In your prime by The cooper temple clause. The song isn't that good, but the lyrics ROCK! Listen to the cooper temple clause though! Best band in the world!

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Kai opened his eyes and was greeted only with the darkness of the night. He'd had that dream again.

_Like to dream_

He let out a deep and painful sigh and gazed towards the window, where his eyes met the blinding light of a full moon.

_Cos when I dream_

Kai instantly turned around finding the light much too harsh after just waking, and looked longingly upon what his eyes met next. The elegant form of the Chinese boy. Sleeping.

_I'm with you_

He slept softly and without movement on his side. The loose sheets clung to his form perfectly, giving Kai a good look at what shape his body had to it.

_And you let me do things to you_

And like everything else about him, it was perfect.

_That I would not normally do_

"Thank you god for waking me and letting me witness this scene" Kai thought hopelessly.

_You always play and you want me_

Kai had never known what to expect under Rei's cloths because they were so baggy. The only hint he had ever been given, was his arms. His glorious arms. How Kai longed to have them wrapped around him.

_You never leave my side_

But now he knew. He had seen Rei's wonderful, almost feminine shape, and it just deepened Kai's feelings.

_You'll always be in your prime girl_

Kai longed for the Rei in his dreams to become real- or ever better- to pull him into the dream world, where they were the only two people who mattered or even existed.

_Just how I remember you_

How could he love Rei so much when he barely ever talked to him, let alone know him? How could Rei capture his heart like this with out even trying- purely by just being himself? How could he feel this strongly and Rei be none the wiser? Why were the dreams so painful and happy at the same time?

_Lick my wounds_

"I love you Rei." Kai whispered. Rei dreamt about his village and being back with Mariah and having children and winning the tournament and Hilary nursing him and beating up Tyson and partying down with Max, and avoiding Kai.


	2. Nothing looks better in the morning

Hey guys! I've finished this story- I just have to find the time to type it up. This is all I could be bothered to do today. You have no idea what lies ahead! HA HA HA! I have power. I'm so happy with the plot twists to come, so you better watch this space! Please review- That will give me the will to continue!

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Kai stood at the top of the stairs and found himself listening to a conversation between Rei and Max. Max wanted to go on tour to the USA, while Rei wanted to go to China. Kai didn't care where they went- as long as he would be with Rei.

Tyson rushed past Kai and went bombing down the stairs- Kai gripped onto the rail to stop himself being thrown down the steps.

"Tyson!" He yelled, voice full of rage.

"Well why are you standing on the staircase? Come down." Tyson yelled back.

_I don't know if I can face Rei awake._

Kai took a few steps down- panicked- and quickly fled to the bathroom, where he locked the door and leaned forward on the sink.

_I can't do it. How can I look him in the face after last nights dream? Why can he just leave me alone?_

Kai looked up and gazed at his reflection in the mirror.

_What a waste of human life I've become. Someone meaningful could have filled this body._

He splashed his face with some cold water, and patted himself dry with Rei's towel. It smelled like Rei.

_Gotta face him today. I will talk to him today. I won't run away. I mustn't run away!_

"Hey Kai! Tala's here! Get your arse down here at once!" Tyson screamed from downstairs.

_Tala? Why now?_

He flung the door open and coolly marched downstairs, greeted by a smiling Tala.

"Long time no see!" Said Kai. "So, what brings you here?"

"I wanna catch up! You never call!" Tala pouted cutely and for a fleeting moment- Kai forgot Rei excised. "Is there somewhere we can go?"

"Yeah, upstairs. You lot stay the fuck down here!" Kai directed at the rest of the team who had formed in the kitchen doorway.

"Don't worry- we wouldn't dream of interrupting you two." Rei said his piece jokingly- and succeeded in making everyone else laugh- but it was only Tala who picked up a slight envious tone in his voice. Tala flashed Rei a dangerous look and lead Kai upstairs.

"How do you feel Kai?"

"Okay I guess."

"Because you look like shit! What's eating you?"

_I hate questions!_

"Nothing. I just haven't been sleeping much lately."

"Bull shit. You never slept at the abbey- but didn't look like this. Tell me Kai!"

_How did he get to know me so well?_

"I'm….well…I'm in love"

_What did I just tell him?_

"With who? Ha ha! I'd never have guessed Kai could get lovesick!"

"…Rei."

_Better get a spade so I can carry on DIGGING MY OWN GRAVE!!!_

"chokes REI?"

"Keep it down man!"

"Well even I admit he's pretty cute, but how could you **love** that over-confident piece of shit, from some run down…"

"Watch what you say Tala!"

"Shit! It is love! And with a cat!"

"I like his cat qualities!"

"But you tease my wolf qualities! Bastard!" Tala threw a pillow at Kai and they both laughed. Kai glared both evilly and cutely at the same time.

_He's so getting it now!_

Kai pounced onto Tala and they began play fighting. The noise carried downstairs into the living room where Rei and Max sat watching TV.

"You think those two are…" Max started.

"Probably. Lets try not to think about it…" Rei replied. But he found himself going back on his own words, and couldn't stop thinking about it. He turned the TV up till the volume stopped any thoughts passing his mind. However, even the TV couldn't remove his worry and envy.

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Next cap up very soon. Sorry this is so short, but it's like 02.27am- and I have work tomorrow! Please review! I love feedback.


	3. Infatuation, hatred and plots

Hello my little grasshoppers! Welcome to my third chapter and I hope you enjoy it!

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"Alright Kai, if you can give me 3 reasons why you love Rei, I'll believe you, and give you my blessing." Tala still was shocked about Kai's earlier confession, and quite disappointed that of all the people Kai could be in love with- it had to have been Rei- whom he did not hold in very high regard.

"You can't ask someone that! You can tell you've never been in love!" Ironically, Kai was just as shocked as Tala about how quickly and deeply his feeling had developed for Rei. After years of not being capable to love, Kai's heart had finally started working, and was now making up for lost time.

"I never aspire to be 'in love', thank you very much! Love is weakness, and I am quite far from being weak." Tala was lying. It was only last year he was infatuated with Brian to the point of obsession- and although he'd never admit it- he would have died for him. This fixation came to an unpleasant end though, when Tala almost did die. By Brian's own hand…

"The depressing thing is Tala, is that I actually agree with you. I am love-sick. I'm so love-sick, so obsessed, so dependant…that I'm making my life un-livable. I wake-up in the night and I feel worthless, it feels like my mind and body are rotting. I can feel something eating away inside of me, like a plague of maggots. Pretty, clever, talented maggots." Kai looked away from Tala, whose facial expression had changed dramatically.

"Kai…" Kai closed his eyes, and when he opened them again, silent tears rolled down his face. "You've got to end this here. This isn't healthy. I don't want you ruining your life over some pathetic chink…"

"Don't you dare refer to Rei like that!" Kai flung another pillow at Tala- but it wasn't playfully anymore.

"Can't you see he isn't worth all of this pain?"

"He is. He has to be."

"Because you love him?"

"Because I love him."

Tala stood up and started towards the door. He ruffled Kai's hair as he walked by, and shut the door on his way out. He stood up against the shut door for a few moments and mused on what could be done. He didn't really ponder too much about how Kai was doing, and could only think about Rei. Tala hated Rei so much anyway, but this was really the last straw. His hate for Rei was so consuming, he could think of nothing but killing him, or at least hurting him in some way.

_Kai would never forgive me if I hurt him. Maybe I should just talk to him? But what could I say? By the way Rei, do you love Kai?_

_I hate him! I really fucking hate that bastard!_

Rei had been waiting for the bathroom for about half an hour, and things were getting a little urgent. He decided he'd have to go, and slowly began his assent. He got half way to the bathroom and realized Tala was outside Kai's room. Tala looked up too, and they shared an awkward stare.

"Why aren't you in with darling Kai?"

"I thought 'darling Kai' told you not to come up here."

"Look you Muscative scum, I'm hardly gonna listen to you 2 going at it, I just want the bathroom, and then I can go back to hiding down stairs."

"You're jealous." Tala smiled which made Rei mad.

"In your dreams"

"I was referring to Kai. You like Kai right?"

"I know you do Tala, doesn't mean everybody else does!" Rei carried on walking, and by the time he walked back, Tala had gone.

_I've got to teach that shit head a lesson. Kai thinks I've gone home now, so if I can catch Rei at some point, Kai won't blame me. But when can I catch him where no one else can see us, and when Rei is off-guard?_

Tala kicked a can as he walked down the pavement.

_I'm gonna get him in his sleep! I'll climb in through his window tonight and beat the shit out of him. I'm sure I've got a balaclava some where… _

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And so the story unfolds… next chap will be up **very** soon!

If you review I'll send you happy vibes! Warning: happy vibes may take a little longer to get to America because the ocean is very big! But I'll send extra vibes to make up for it!


	4. The connection of cat and wolf

Hello again dragonflies! Enjoy!

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Kai felt like lead. His body was just an empty shell, his soul floating next to Rei's- begging to become one with him. Rei's soul pushed Kai away again and again, and with each spiritual push, each heavenly jab- part of Kai's physical life force ebbed and died. Both teens were unaware of what their souls got up to when they slept. Rei would always wake up moody and violent, and Kai would be weak- often more tired than what he was the last night.

Rei was awake tonight. He just couldn't sleep. Too excited.

Normally Rei never lost sleep and Kai was the one who sat up all night. Not tonight.

Rei glanced over to the sleeping Kai.

_Why do you love me so much? I've never done anything which would make me worthy of being loved. In fact, I usually make sure I avoid you, so how could you ever know me?_

For the first time, Rei regretted the situation between them, in which, he usually reveled. For he now understood something which he could never have understood before. He understood Kai's pain and rejection, and Rei hated being the cause of this now. As Rei had just accepted something himself, which he already knew would only bring him pain…

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Tala got up to Rei and Kai's window and was happy beyond words when he realized they had left the window open. He took his belt off which had all his breaking in tools on it, and dropped it to a bush below him. He now felt about a stone lighter.

Tala was wearing all black: loose baggy black pants, a balaclava and a rather tight black jumper. The jumper was so small because it was his only non-outlandish top, which Tala could not deal with- the jumper being bought for him a few years ago. A little while before- he had been chased by a stampede of randy fan girls- as his muscles could be clearly seen through this jumper.

_Damn those fan girls, I'm late. _

He slipped through the window of the flat and landed silently on all fours.

_Stupid Kai. I can actually hear him calling me a wolf in my head. Fucker!_

Tala swung his backpack round, and pulled out a syringe.

_Night night Kai. We can't have you waking up whilst I'm killing Kon now can we?_

Tala quickly jabbed the needle in Kai and pushed down the plunger. Kai stirred a little, and then stopped moving altogether- except for the intake of oxygen.

_Sorry I had to do that Kai._

Tala grinned, and went over to Rei's bed. Rei- who was awake but pretending to be asleep- was scared beyond belief. He was getting ready to attack- a knife resting in his palm below the covers.

Tala watched the sleeping Rei.

_Why do the evil ones have to be SO pretty? Err… I guess I fit in that category actually…Oh my god! Rei looks so scared. I wonder if he's having a nightmare?_

Tala reached up towards his own face, and tugged off his balaclava, shaking his head to sort out his hat hair. Tala closed his eyes as he did this, and it just so happened that in that 3 second gap- Rei caught a glimpse of Tala.

_Tala's here? Over my bed? Dressed like that?..._

Rei's stomach flipped and his heart thumped. He'd always dreamt of this. Of Tala flying in though his window and claiming him as his prize. He'd always hated Kai on the bases that Tala and him were such close friends- he sometimes wondered if they were even more than just friends. The last day had been death. Rei was so jealous of Kai with his Tala- always locking themselves up together like guilty lovers.

But now Tala was standing above his bed- looking hot- and not Kai's. Had Tala finally seen though his insults and found out about his true love?

Rei acted on his lust, and grabbed Tala's wrist. Tala yelled out in shock, but came crashing down on top of Rei when he tugged him. Rei flung his arms around Tala's back and flipped him over- sitting across his hips- while Tala lay in shock under him.

"What are you doing here?" Rei asked playfully, beginning to lean into Tala.

"What are you doing???!!!" Yelped Tala- who couldn't lash out- as Rei had him totally pinned.

"What do you think I'm doing muscovite boy?" Rei said huskily.

Rei moved forward to kiss Tala -but was distracted by his chest.

"Why don't you show off your body more often Tala?"

"This is an old top."

"Sure. I know you just wanna impress me!" Rei laughed, and finally Tala understood what was happening.

"I'm not trying to impress you."

"Liar…"

"I'm not lying. I don't like you like that- well- like this." He said- referring to their current position.

"So why are you here?" Rei asked, still not really believing Tala.

"To kill you."

"Nice try muscovite boy!" Rei laughed and kissed Tala on the cheek. "We both know that our 'hate' for one other is just sexual tension!"

"It's not, I actually despise you" Tala was helpless, and it came though in his voice.

Rei locked his mouth over Tala's- and proceeded to kiss him like the world was going to end. Tala fought for at least 5 minutes, but soon just caved, and kissed back.

_Why I'm I doing this? I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei! I hate Rei!_

_But…_

_Kai doesn't like me._

_Brian hates me._

_I've been rejected too many times, and I've become so alone. So afraid._

Tala started to cry- which went un-noticed by Rei. He gripped onto Rei pulling him closer and closer, needing to feel the warmth of another person's skin against his own. Rei's hands gently ran over Tala's chest till he found a small, pea-sized bump. Rei rubbed it through his jumper; Tala's breath hitched back in his throat and he gripped into Rei tighter. Rei then pushed the jumper upwards and broke the kiss. They glazed at each other. Rei had been wondering if Tala would stop him- but the look in Tala's eyes spoke volumes- which screamed continue.

_To be wanted. To feel loved. Nothing can feel better than this!_

_But what about Kai?_

_I won't think about him tonight. Tonight is my night to feel loved again. I'm a human too!_

_But isn't Rei the one who Kai loves? Aren't you cheating on Kai in two ways? And what about hating Rei? Or did you just forget about that when he stuck his tongue down your throat? _

_I love Kai- but I'm just so lonely. No one should ever be alone. _

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We're getting along quite nicely I think! I hope you are enjoying this and that you like the plot twist/s so far and to come. Thank you all reviews. Your happy vibes will be with you shortly! In response to 'game kid's' review- my story line is not that lame- give me some credit! Love you all, and I'll be posting soon! Please review!


	5. Planning to keep suicide at bay

Hey! I'm back! Thank you everyone who has reviewed! By the way- some people have mentioned in their review about how on earth I could hate Rei. I don't hate Rei just to set the record straight- but I guess it would appear so in the first few chapters. The last chapter should have made you understand why I'd portrayed him in such a way! I quite like Rei actually- and he can't help the way he feels for Tala!

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Kai's soul was desperately trying to wake-up Kai- but it was in vain. The drugs Tala had forced into his system forbid him from moving. He was dully aware of a noise in the background, but was far too weak to understand its importance.

_What's wrong with my body? Why can't I move?_

_Why does something feel really wrong?_

_And how do I already know it concerns Rei?_

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Tala gazed into Rei's huge amber orbs and felt himself drowning in them. His vision had gone cloudy and his mind had stopped functioning properly. This was bliss. This was heaven on earth. But it wasn't what he had always imagined it to be.

Thrust

He had never for a heartbeat imagined being in bed with Rei. His sworn enemy since the first time Kai had told him. Told Tala that he was in love with Rei, and not him. The news didn't even sink in- Tala just knew what he had to do.

Thrust

But he wasn't doing it. He was sleeping with the very thing he hated so. The object of his entire wrath and despise. He couldn't even kill one little boy, and this made him feel pathetic.

Thrust

But the intensity of feeling one gets from sleeping with someone they hate so much- is incomparable. Tala was lost in this new sensation- and no longer felt alone.

Thrust

He felt complete now- lost in Rei's embrace-and he had no desire to be untangled from him. Rei was warm.

Thrust

And it wasn't often someone was warm towards Tala. Tala was the ice boy. The emotionless boy.

Thrust

Tala was unlovable, and in return could never love.

Thrust

Well. They were wrong.

Thrust

Tala could love

Thrust

Tala did love

Thrust

Tala loved…

Thrust

"Rei," Tala's whole world focused on the small part of Rei which was inside of him, and collapsed in his wake. He flung his head backwards on the pillow, and screamed as loudly as his lungs would allow. Rei quickly grasped his hand, and Tala made full use of this kind gesture by squishing down on it as hard as he could. His body pulsed. Fireworks went off one by one inside of his brain. The blood which flowed under his skin seemed to carry this feeling all around his body and back again. Back to where Rei was, and Tala suddenly remembered who Rei was.

Rei gingerly kissed Tala on the forehead, and quickly collapsed down beside of him. Fulfilled.

"I love you Tala"

"I know"

"Do you love me?"

"No"

"I guessed as much to be honest. Do you think you ever will?"

"No"

"Why not?"

"I love… Kai…"

Rei silently swung himself off of the bed and walked over to the open window. Tala watched him, and how the wind played around with his long tied up hair. It took him a while to realize Rei was crying.

"Why are you crying?" Tala almost got up to comfort him, but as he moved, he got an unpleasant reminder of how sticky his thighs were- and did not wish to move anymore.

"Because this situation is so hopeless. I love you, you love Kai, and Kai loves me. No one can be happy like this." Rei wiped his eyes on his opened shirt sleeve and jumped gracefully onto the window ledge.

"Why do you love me?" Begged Tala.

_How could you love me?_

"I don't even know- that's why it ends here." Tala didn't understand what Rei was on about – until he noticed how wistfully he was looking out of the window.

"Rei…"

"Don't you dare try and stop me Tala. This is the only way. This is what all of this has come to. We'll all be damned if I don't do this!" Tala leap off the bed and stood under Rei.

"This won't solve anything Rei- if you die- Kai will follow suit, and then…"

"Kai, Kai, KAI!!!! How I hate that name, that face. He has ruined everything! Why couldn't you have loved me back? Was it really that hard?"

"I don't know you Rei…"

"And you never will now…" Rei twisted himself towards the window- only to come to a halt when Tala grabbed his ankle.

"If you come down, I'll promise to get to know you." Tala gazed up at Rei, and Rei could tell that he meant what he said, and would stay true to his word.

_What am I saying?_

"You would do that for me? You would give up Kai?"

"I can't just switch my love for Kai off, but I can try to love you back."

_Kai…_

_I'm so sorry…_

_But if you want your Rei to stay alive-this is what I must do._

_I'm doing this for you Kai, I hope one day you'll see that._

"In secret we'll meet Tala, I know what Kai would do to you should he find out." Rei smiled weakly at Tala below him who was crying. He was giving his body away to keep Kai happy, which was honorable, but did not feel like it.

"Surely if I can make this sacrifice for you, you can make a sacrifice for me…" Tala said carefully.

"Name it."

"Pretend you love Kai. Even if it's just the once. I think that's all he needs." Tala cried silently but heavily. So many new and confusing emotions bound him, and he hated this situation- but couldn't see any other way of keeping Rei alive, and Kai happy, (and probably alive as well!).

"Of course."

_I hate this._

_I hate Rei._

_And I hate Kai for loving him and not me._

_Why does it have to be like this? Is there no other way?_

_I pretend to love Rei in secret, while Rei goes out with Kai! _

_What do I get out of this? _

_Nothing!_

_But am I still alone?_

_No._

_And anything is better than being alone…_

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Whoa! I can feel your confusion already. If you don't get what's happening- read it through again carefully. That was heavy! I promise this is as confusing as it gets! Next chapter up soon which sees the return of Kai into a main role! And can you guess what Rei is gonna have to do?... he he he…… please review!


	6. Blood, tears, and new found feelings

Sorry, it's been a while since I've updated. I've changed the ending a bit… well completely. But I still don't know which version I should post! Anyway, enjoy chap6.

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Kai slowly opened his eyes and the sun seemed even brighter that morning. He couldn't understand why he felt so awful - well- at least worse than usual.

_It feels like I've been hit by a bus…_

_Why the hell do I feel so shit?_

He turned over and found that Rei wasn't in his bed. Another glance to the clock by Rei's bedside told Kai he was 2 hours late.

_He's gone already. I like watching him get ready…_

_SHIT! 2 HOURS? What the hell happened to me?_

Kai flung himself out of bed, but as soon as he stood up, his whole world began to sway- and he came crashing down onto the floor. The noise carried through out the house, to where Rei, Max and Tyson were watching TV.

"What's Kai up to?" Said Tyson.

"Sounds like he fell. I'll go and check." Max said getting up. Rei pushed Max back down as he got up, and as he left said-

"I wanna go take the piss…"

_I wanna get this over with…_

Rei began his assent of the stairs with a growing sense of dread with every step he took. He didn't understand why Tala wanted him to do this. Sure it would keep Kai happy- but Tala gained nothing. In fact- Tala would stand to loose. He would loose pride and his sense of worth, and he was also running the risk of Kai just loving Rei more.

Rei pushed open the door to find Kai sprawled out on the floor.

"Kai! What the hell happened?" He dropped down beside Kai , and started to pull him upright.

"So weak…" Kai was now sitting up against the bed -with Rei in the same way beside him.

"Why? What have you been doing lately?"

"Nothing. This is a one off, and I don't know why."

Suddenly Rei remembered that Kai never woke up last night when Tala was there, even though they were making quite a lot of noise. Usually Kai was a light sleeper- so how could he have slept last night?

"How was last night" Rei asked fearfully.

"This will sound fucked up, but I was awake last night, however, none of my senses were working." Kai started to slide to the side, but Rei caught him by putting an arm around his waist. The arm was not removed.

_I don't want to do this. I want Tala!_

"Did you go to a bar last night?" It was only after Rei said this, that he realized Tala must have drugged him.

"No…"

_Clever Tala. But I wish you told me. I could have just dobbed you in it…_

Kai leaned into Rei's embrace and wept. When he was around Rei, he felt like his soul was on show, and that every glance Rei gave him, Rei could see every thought and feeling. This is why Kai liked Rei. Rei made him feel like a human being.

_Please don't let this moment end_

Rei was shocked by Kai's sudden outburst. For the first time, Rei could see that Kai was indeed human, and not only human, but a hurt human. Rei was beginning to see Kai in a whole new light. And when Kai kissed him, he didn't even have to think about kissing back. And when Kai pulled him to the floor, he felt better for it.

………………………………………………………………………

_I wonder what's happening now?_

_Maybe Rei couldn't go through with it!_

_Why am I even hoping that? It was my idea. I asked him!_

Tala dragged the knife along his leg and winced at the pain, but as soon as he took it away, he missed it.

_Why was Rei ready to kill him self over me? What have I ever done? Why is he so attached to me?_

_I hate him for being loved by Kai_

_But, why can't I stop thinking about him?_

_Am I really that unloved to be completely captivated by someone who loves me?_

Tala pressed the knife down harder this time, and dark red rushed onto milk coloured skin. Something clicked in his head, and he threw the knife across the room.

_What's that gonna help?_

Someone knocked on the door and Tala dived under the covers just in time. It was Brian.

"You're still in bed? You've got to be joking! Where were you last night Tala? In some gay bar?"

"I'm not gay!"

"So what am I? A girl?"

"Just leave me alone."

"It's midday Tala. Get up before I set your bed on fire."

"I will, just go away first."

"I don't trust you. Get up now wolf-boy."

Tala got out of bed and faced away from Brian. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt.

"Why don't you face me? Gotta hard-on or something?"

"I don't wanna look at you…"

"I'm so sure..." Brian grabbed Tala's shoulder and flung him around to face him. A few inches below the bottom of Tala's boxers, were a few heavily bleeding cuts. Brian's eyes widened.

"Idiot!" And with that, Brian turned round, and slammed the door behind him.

_Why did he have to see that? WHY?_

Tala flopped down on the bed and reached for the knife again. He drew it across an existing wound, and the blood poured freely.

The door swung open again, and Brian stood horrified in the door way.

"YOU'RE PATHETIC!" Brian grabbed the knife and stormed out yet again, leaving Tala crying into his palms.

_He's right. _

_I can't go on like this. _

_It's pathetic._

_If I love Kai, I'm just gonna have to face the music and tell him._

_- _

Thanks for reading. I love feedback, so please review! Next chap up soon!


	7. Rain falls on everyone

Ah, chapter 7, I wrote this in double maths… good times! I still can't decide what ending I wanna use- so if you do decide to review- please put which pairing you wanna see get together in the end, as to help me choice which. Thanks!

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"So what happened then? Come on! Tell me all the gory details!" Tala was good at acting like he was happy when he wasn't. He mockingly pushed Kai, and Kai flung himself back onto the bed, too happy to even notice Tala's push.

"It was the best hour of my life!" Kai giggled, and Tala's insides twisted around.

"An hour?"

"Yeah! Rei has such stamina!" Tala looked at the floor, unable to say anything. He was hurting more than he ever had- and he couldn't even show or vent it. He had to pretend and smile. "Oh Tala! It was so amazing! You know, I was at the tower yesterday…"

"What were you doing there?"

"…I was going to jump off…"

"Over Rei?"

"Hey, you're gonna have to watch what you say about him now. As we're going out- I'll have to defend his honor!"

"Going out?"

_I never wanted this! I just wanted Kai to be happy, to feel loved. _

_What have I done to myself?_

"Well yeah! You don't just sleep with someone, then wake-up and say 'fuck off', do you?"

_That was the plan…_

"Well… I can't say much about that…" Tala lied.

"I know you. You're the ultimate player! Ha! Different girl every night! You whore!" Kai laughed heartily, while Tala had to keep looking upwards to stop the tears falling.

_You don't know anything about me…_

"I was actually quite surprised though," said Kai. "I mean- I guessed that's what Rei was gonna do, but he didn't. Afterwards, he was dead set on making this work."

_What the fuck?_

_I told him only once! Not to fucking go out with him!_

_Where does this leave me?_

"I hope it does work for you two!"

_I hope Rei burns in hell for this…_

"Thanks Tala! I don't know what I'd do without you. You're such a good friend!"

_FRIEND?_

_He dares call me a friend?_

Tala stood up off the bed and headed towards the door. Kai was too lost in his dream world to even notice Tala's departure…

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"Bad luck Mariah. You'll get the hang of it one day…" Rei placed all the balls back neatly on the snooker table, and went over and sat by the sulking Mariah.

"I'll never be as good as you Rei"

"That's true, but then no one will ever be as good as me…" Rei smiled weakly at her and she pouted.

"Where were you this morning? You were an hour late for practice! Lee asked me not to say anything, but I'm worried about you lately. You're hardly eating and you always seem lost in your own world… well… you don't look like that today- but you have for the last month or so…" Rei watched her and sighed.

"There was a problem, but I've fixed it. You really don't need to worry about me!"

"What was the problem?"

"You wouldn't understand..."

"You'd be surprised…"

"Relationship problems."

"No fair! I love fixing romantic problems- or at least hearing about them. You selfish pig!" She pouted again.

"Well- I wouldn't call it fixed- in fact- it couldn't be more un-fixed right now…"

"Tell all."

"I love person, person loves someone else, someone else loves me. I've slept with both of them…"

"So if you've slept with the person you love, why aren't you going out?"

"He doesn't like me"

"But he slept with you?"

"He was lonely. But the thing is, I slept with the person who's in love with me out of pity, but now I'm starting to like him too!"

"Tala and Kai?"

"Yeah…"

"Who are you in love with?"

"Tala"

"What?" She shouted.

"And what is wrong with Tala?" They both looked up to the doorway- which Tala was standing in.

"How long have you been listening?" Begged Rei.

"Long enough… I hope you and Kai are happy together…" Tala turned round and walked away. He flung the doors of the sports hall open- smashing the glass- and stepped out into the heavy rain.

_I'm no one._

_I can't believe I was even beginning to like Rei like that!_

"Tala wait!" Tala spun round, to find Rei standing behind him. The rain had drenched him, and his hair was flat. Tala realized that his own hair had lost its shape. "I love you Tala."

_Why is my heart leaping?_

_Why am I so affected by this statement?_

"I love Kai…"

"But he doesn't love you back! If you just be with me- I can make you happy- I can give you love. I can give you what you need the most!" The rain was freezing and Tala could begin to feel the dampness on his skin. He wanted to run away, but for some reason ran to Rei…

"Hold me" Tala begged. Rei grabbed Tala with both arms and they shared a long embrace. Tala could feel Rei's hot breath on his neck, and it awoke something inside of him. "Take me somewhere."

"Where do you wanna go?"

"With you…"

"Do you mean it?"

Tala didn't answer, but simply launched himself upwards, and kissed the taller boy. Rei's eyes widened, and almost forgot to kiss back.

Only almost though…

The two boys stood there in the rain, wrapped up in each other, pressing against one other to try and steal the warmth. Hands ran over damp cloths, faces and hair- the rain water finding it's way into there mouths. Neither of them had ever kissed anyone so deeply before.

Tala remembered how Rei had made him feel the night before, and longed for the same attention again. And when he broke off the kiss, he looked up into Rei's eyes, and Rei could instantly tell this too.

_I love Kai so much, but loving some one who you know will never love you back is pointless. _

_Rei loves me._

_And in time, I will love him in return._

_After so much hate and despair in my life- isn't it only fair that I get a break, and for once, become the happy one?_

_Rei makes me feel so happy._

_Kai makes me feel so sad._

_The choice for future happiness seems obvious- so why do I gat this brooding feeling that this choice won't have a happy ending?_

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Don't forget to put what pairing you want in your review, if you're really nice and leave one!(I love you!) I need help choosing so bad….


	8. Discovery

Hello again! Thank you so much for all of your reviews! I still don't know what couple to choose, BUT it's down to 2 pairings rather than 3! I wonder if you can tell by this chapter which pairing I'm not even considering? Try and guess! It'll be fun! Anyway- Chapter 8 everybody!

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Kai kicked up water as he ran along the pavement, making the bottom of his trousers damp. He hid his hair under his hood- even though by now water was seeping through anyway. He'd been running for so long now…

_Gotta find Tala…_

He ran up a flight of concrete stairs- and nearly fell down them again because it was so damp. The stairs were run down and covered in moss. Rubbish and litter were everywhere. At the top was a door- which was rotting from the base to at least a quarter of the way up. Someone had scratched 'muscavite scum' onto the door, over a sign saying 'Blitzkrieg Boys'.

Kai banged on the door a few times, which was soon opened by Spencer.

"What do you want Kai?" He said coldly.

"Kai?" Came a voice from within. Spencer turned round and Kai looked past him- to find Brian standing at the end of the hallway. "It's been a while. What brings you to this shit hole?"

"Is Tala here?" Kai said, trying to sound unbothered, but failing. Brian and Spencer both snorted.

"No, he went out about one- to see you apparently, but obviously he didn't then…" Brian said.

"He did see me, at about one. So he hasn't been back since then?" Kai replied.

"I think Tala will be okay by himself Kai!" Laughed Spencer. "It's only four- it hasn't started to get dark quite yet!" Both Brian and Spencer laughed at Kai's expense.

"Hey guys, that's really not that funny- you know how Tala's been recently! He probably won't be alright on his own!" Ian shouted from the living room.

_What?_

"Shut up Ian!" Yelled Spencer.

"Something's wrong with Tala?" Kai asked. Both Brian and Spencer suddenly looked really guilty for joking around. Spencer ushered Kai inside, shut the door, and walked off- leaving Kai with Brian.

"Where to begin…" Brian sighed. "Did you know he tried to kill himself a few weeks ago?"

"WHAT?"

"It's true. He slit his wrists. He was in hospital for a few days."

"I never knew- I never even noticed the marks or the fact he was gone…"

_Some friend I am…_

_But, how could I have ever known that he felt this way? He never talks to me…_

_Oh no wait…_

_I never let him talk to me…_

_Shit._

"Do you know why?" Kai asked softly.

"Yep- but I can't tell you."

"WHAT? I'm his best friend! Why can't you tell me?" Brian snorted again which made Kai's blood boil. "Why is that funny?"

"No reason."

_Why do I get the feeling that there is a quite important reason?_

"What else?"

"He self harms like there's no tomorrow. In fact- I caught him doing it this morning. I think it's really pathetic…"

"Tala is not pathetic!" Kai spat.

"Ooh, pissy! I'm sure Tala would love to see you getting so defensive over him!" He laughed again and Kai had to clench his fists to control his rage. "And just what does that mean?"

"I wonder what we have in common? You and me I mean."

"What are you on about?" Kai demanded. Brian laughed at his private joke, which was the last straw for Kai. He swung at Brian with his fist which he easily dodged. Before Kai could even draw his fist back, Brian kicked Kai in the back of the knees, and he came crashing down.

_Die you little fucking piece of…_

Brian grabbed Kai's shirt around his neck, and yanked it threateningly.

"Don't ever attack me Kai, or you'll be sorry!"

Kai snorted this time. He kicked his leg upwards- sending Brian tumbling beside of him. Kai jumped on top of him pinning him down.

_Got you!_

He raised his fist up as if he was going to hit Brian.

"Tala's in love with you!" Kai let his fist flop down and he stared at Brian.

_What?_

"You're lying! That makes no sense!"

"Go check out his room," Spencer said from the living room doorway.

"You'll find it quite enlightening!" Said Ian- in the doorway as well. Kai looked up the stairs, knowing that what ever was up there, was going to be bad…

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"Hello Tala!" Came Mariah's voice, and she put an arm around him as he walked in. "Eww! You're soaking wet! Why did you boys stay out in the rain?" She laughed as they both squirmed under her knowing gaze. "Say no more- just don't do it too often, or you'll both get sick!"

"Hello Tala…" Lee said nervously, not sure why he would ever want to see them.

"It's okay Lee," reassured Rei. "He's just gonna catch up for a bit!"

_Catch up my arse!_

_I'm so happy here._

_I don't need to act all cold and talk as little as possible. These people want to reach out to me._

_Mariah hugged me… no ones ever just hugged me like that before. She feels warm to the touch. Her smile is real._

_And there's Rei…_

_He's warm too…_

Tala looked at Rei who smiled back at him, forcing Tala to smile as well. Tala felt warm too…

"Do you want to stay for lunch Tala?" Asked Mariah.

"I'd better not. I just need to talk to Rei for a while."

"S'cool. Catch you later okay?"

Rei and Tala practically ran up the stairs and shut themselves in Mariah's room.

"So it's official then? Me and you!" Rei asked before leaping onto the pink bed. Tala paused- and then said-

"You make me so happy. I really want to be with you- but what about Kai?"

"Fuck Kai!"

"Rei…"

"I'm sorry but I don't see why he needs to be part of the picture!"

"He loves you!"

"I love you!"

"I love him still!"

"Oh get over it!" Rei said rolling around on the covers. "He makes you feel so depressed, and you said yourself that I make you happy. I'll help you get over him quickly. Loving someone that makes you so unhappy can't be healthy! You need to learn not to care about him! Forget you ever loved him Tala!"

"I know you're right, but…"

"But what?"

"I can't just sit back and let him get heart broken."

"So we just won't tell him then! Are you coming to bed or what?"

Tala smiled, and then jumped on top of Rei.

"I'm bonding with you…" Tala kissed him and gently eased off Rei's top.

_But, will you ever replace Kai?_

_I've know him for all my life._

_That bond is unbreakable._

_But I'm not happy when I'm around him anymore._

_It's painful now_

_Has all the love…_

…_been replaced?_

_Has my love for him, been replaced with an obsession?_

_An obsession which is doomed to end-_

_-badly?_

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So which pairing out of the three possibilities has been definitely written off then? Humor me and try to guess!


	9. Advice and exceptence

And here it is! The 'I know who's gonna get together now' chapter. But don't worry. There's still one more twist to come…

I hope you enjoy this!

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Tala opened his eyes slowly. It was dark, apart from a brilliant streak of light where the moonlight crept in through the gap in the curtains. This beam of light fell over the bed- and across Rei's face. Tala looked down at Rei. He was sleeping like a cat- curled tightly- but around himself instead of Tala. Tala felt cold being so far away from the boy he'd just slept with.

_Why don't you hug me?_

_Why don't you wrap your arms around me and tell me that you need me?_

_Like how I've always imagined it…_

…_with Kai…_

Tala looked away from the sleeping Rei, and slipped out of the bed. He made his way to the bathroom- deciding he'd get ready and leave. He opened the door- but did not step inside- realizing that there was someone in there. Tala stood transfixed in the doorway, gaping at the image before him.

Mariah looked back at him in exactly the same way. She was completely naked- sitting in the bath- washing her breasts.

Neither of them moved or said anything for about ten seconds, till the soap fell out of her hand- and woke Tala up. He dashed out and slammed the door.

"I'm so sorry Mariah! I had no idea anyone was in there! The door was unlocked, and I just didn't think! Oh god! I'm such an idiot! I should have seen that the lights were on! Please- you've just gotta believe that I didn't mean to do that…" He was cut off…

"Come inside Tala…" Her voice was soft- Tala was so relieved that she wasn't angry.

"Are you decent?"

"Yeah!"

Tala opened the door but couldn't see Mariah. Something slammed into him from the side, and pinned him tightly against the wall. Just as he was about to push free- he looked down, finding Mariah was holding a knife at his neck. To emphasize her point- she dug the knife in a little- drawing blood.

Tala gasped at the pain and was about to throw her off when…

…something suddenly felt very damp.

He looked down further than Mariah's face, and realized that she was still naked, and soaking wet from the bath.

"Leave Rei!" She spat the words out, and they literally hit him in the face. He resisted the urge to wipe it off.

"Why? Do you love him?"

Mariah laughed a little. "No. I don't like Rei- or at least any more anyway. But someone else does…"

"Kai?"

"Well yes, Kai does love Rei, but then why would I give to shits about Kai's feelings?" This made Tala snarl. "Lee is deeply in love with Rei. And you better believe I give two shits about Lee's feelings!" She dug the knife in a bit more at this, but drew it back afterwards. "Don't you feel disgusted with yourself? Hum? You don't give a damn about Rei even though you're sleeping with him, while there are two people who truly love him!"

Tala blinked, which sent a tear down his face.

"What are you crying for? The pain of the blade, or the pain of the truth!" Tala couldn't move, he couldn't even speak. He knew she was right…

"Say something Tala! Defend yourself!"

_I can't. What can I say to her?_

_Brian was right, I'm just pathetic…_

"You know, if you leave Rei, it's not like you'll have no one!" She took the knife away from his neck and started kissing away the blood. "I've always liked you Tala. There was always something about you, something no one could ever understand, the mysterious guy. The irresistible mysterious Tala, captain of one of the most feared teams on earth. All the girls want you- even half the guys want you."

"But not the ones I want…"

_Kai. Brian._

"You need to learn to forget about everything Tala. Forget about your relationship with Rei. Forget about losing the championships. Forget about loving Kai hopelessly. Forget about all of the pain, and the suffering, and the loneliness. Forget about everything- apart from this…"

In one swift movement, Mariah's lips left Tala's neck and thrust themselves upon his mouth. She used her tongue to prize apart his pursed lips, and then even his teeth. She pushed herself deep inside of Tala's mouth, and he felt invaded.

But for some reason, he didn't push her away.

_There was a time when this would have felt natural to me. To have a girl pushed up against me._

_I can feel her soft breasts against my ribs. They're warm._

_One of my legs is in-between the join of her legs. There is even warmer. _

_Me and Brian used to go clubbing. All sorts of girls would work their way into my pants. It took me ages to work out that it wasn't them which made a great night out, but being with Brian. I miss being able to have fun with him…_

_Being with a girl, reminds me of him…_

"Kiss me back!" Mariah begged.

"I can't…" He pushed her away from him and turned to leave.

"You are gonna leave Rei right!" He paused and looked back at her. Part of him longed to want her, but he just wasn't that person anymore- even if he wished he was. She flicked her damp hair back, and started to breathe more heavily so that her breasts moved up and down. Tala had to admit that if she had anything going for her- it was her body.

He laughed. "Don't feel you have to do that. I'll leave Rei. Don't worry."

She laughed too, and grabbed a towel- wrapping it around herself- suddenly feeling embarrassed by her nakedness. "You know, if you do ever feel lonely…"

"…I'll know where to come. Thanks Mariah." Tala and Mariah smiled at each other one last time, and then Tala walked away and out the house.

_I think I've just made a friend…_

_And I'm gonna need one if I have to leave Rei._

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"This can't be his room!" Yelled Kai.

"Why not?" Said Brian calmly behind him.

The room was small. There was a tiny window high up on one of the walls, and the rest of the walls were bare plaster. The only furniture was the bed in the center of the room, and a chest of drawers. Some of the draws were open, and one was even lying upside down on the far side of the room- the contents flung every where. The floor was covered in blood stained tissues, and specks of blood were all over the bed sheets. Down one wall were two thick lines of dried blood, and Kai stared at it in horror.

"Yeah, that's where he tried to kill himself. He reckoned if he put pressure on the wounds, the bleeding would stop. It didn't work out like that though…" Brian couldn't look at it. He'd rather erase all memories from that night forever.

"I…"

"You couldn't have stopped this Kai. I could have, but not you."

"THEN WHY DIDN'T YOU?" Kai yelled as loud as he could, tears welling up in his eyes. New painful emotions ripping to the surface of his skin.

"Woah! Calm down…"

"NO!" Kai ran down the stairs, and was out the door.

_Tala!_

_You were always there for me!_

_Let me be there for you…_

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I'll update soon, I promise! Till then, please review!


	10. Personal documents

Hello my little grasshoppers! Welcome to chapter 10! Don't worry about that whole Lee and Mariah thing. That's not really part of the story. It was just my way of making Tala leave Rei without Kai having any thing to do with it! Those two aren't part of the whole triangle thing! Where as Bryan on the other hand….. he he he…

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Rei stretched out on the bed and felt the first rays of sunlight starting to creep through the curtains. He rolled over expecting to hug Tala, but Tala wasn't there. Rei bolted upright- and found that Tala's clothes had gone as well.

_Where is he? Did he just take off without saying anything? It's so early though! He must have left last night then… _

Rei forced himself out of bed, and he walked heavy footed to the bathroom. After splashing water on his face, he felt much better- and began to brush his teeth. As he walked across the bathroom, he felt something sharp under his foot. Rei yelped, and his toothbrush fell to the ground. Under his foot was a knife.

_Why is that here?_

He placed it on the sink, and continued getting ready.

_I'm so worried about Tala. The first time I saw those marks on him, I ignored them, thinking they must have just been an accident. But now- not only are there more of them- but they're deeper…_

_I didn't want to say anything, but the more and more I think about it- Tala does seem the type!_

_I think he made those marks himself…_

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Bryan sat down in the small doctor's office, and waited for the nurse to come back with his prescription. Bored and restless, he began to go through the mess which was the nurse's desk. Under a mug was an orange folder which caught Bryan's attention. He looked at it, and his jaw dropped when he saw it was Tala's counseling file. Without thinking- Bryan tucked it into his backpack.

As soon as he got home, he ignored Ian and Spencer's questions, and shut himself in his room. He took out the folder, made himself comfortable, and started to read it.

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**Name**: Tala

**Age:** 17

**Country of origin:** Russia

**Known Family:** None. Raised in 'the abbey'. (see later notes)

**Household**: Lives with 3 other boys. Bryan, Spencer and Ian.

**Appearance:** Quite tall, unhealthily thin and very pale. The way he carries himself and acts, suggest that he is actually quite ill. Possibly a physical manifestation of his mental condition. This is a growing concern of mine.

**Relationships with others:** As stated before, subject lives with 3 other boys. He hasn't much to do with Ian or Spencer, but his relationship with Bryan is concerning. It appears that the two used to be very close friends for a few years, but Tala felt a little more than mere friendship towards Bryan. I may be as bold to say that Tala loved him- despite Tala not actually saying this himself. Tala mentions an event which occurred about a year ago, when he tried to kiss Bryan after drinking heavily. Bryan then proceeded to force pills down Tala's throat in an attempt to kill him. It is because of this event that Tala refuses any offers of medication. As of late, it appears Bryan is showing some remorse for this act, but Tala doesn't like him like he used to- or so he claims. I think Tala would be better off living away from Bryan, even if it was only for a little while. I refuse to believe that he has ever fully gotten over him. Personally, I'm also worried that Bryan is starting to develop feelings for Tala (see notes on recent suicide attempt). While I think Tala has gotten to a point where this wouldn't affect him (see notes on love interest), I'm worried that due to his violent past- should Bryan be turned down by Tala- Tala's life would again be in danger.

**The Abbey:** Tala claims to have been brought up in an abbey, in his homeland of Russia. Because the stories he tells about what happened there are so horrible- I'm forced not to believe them. I'm unsure why Tala would lie about his childhood- so this could still be true. Whether the abbey was real or not, I believe that Tala was sexually abused as a child. Tala seems to have a large amount of sexual partners, thinking that this might end his loneliness- even though he claims to dislike sexual activity. He believes that by letting someone sleep with him- that person will never leave him/ become his friend. I directly link this idea of Tala's to an adult telling him to sleep with him or he'll leave.

**Love interest**: Tala speaks strongly about his love for a friend called Kai (conformation of homosexuality). I'm pleased that Tala could make not only a genuine friend, but as Kai is also a homosexual, Tala doesn't feel as ashamed about his sexual preference anymore. Even though Tala hasn't made it clear yet if Kai knows this fact about him. I'm not sure if Kai loves Tala in return- but at least they are close. Tala denies any sexual activity has taken place between them. If they do become a couple- I believe most of Tala's mental condition will be solved. However- should Kai turn Tala down- I fear he will most likely try to kill himself again.

**Recent suicide attempt:** Tala was brought to me after this event, and it took a whole week till he was ready to talk about it. Here are the nights proceeding according to Tala.-

20.00: Walks in with a girl he picked up from a night club. Bryan mocks him for lying to himself.

20.02: He sleeps with the girl.

20.30: The girl leaves- leaving Tala on his own in his room. Bryan calls up "did it feel good?", when he sees that the girl is leaving. For the following hour, Tala considers Bryan's statements, and decides he will kill himself.

21.30: Tala slits his wrists.

21.31: Tala gets a text message from Kai asking him to a film. Tala panics and tries to stop the bleeding.

21.32: By chance, Bryan hears Tala's sobbing as he walks past his room. He enters the room and yells at Tala for what he's done. He uses the bed covers to bandage up Tala's wrists, and carries him to the local hospital only a mile away.

21.45: Tala goes into hysterics, claiming that he wants to die. This makes the wounds bleed heavily. Panicking, Bryan kisses Tala- and the sudden shock makes him faint.

10.50: Tala wakes up in hospital finding Bryan asleep in the chair next to him.

10.51: He wakes Bryan up.

10.55: Tala asks about the kiss, and Bryan denies it happened.

10.56: Bryan leaves.

Tala wanted to die because he felt he had no one to help him deal with his mental condition. I'm concerned that he still feels this way. I would like to treat Tala's illness with Prozac- maybe even lithium- but Tala refuses to take it. He's recently admitted that he self harms. When asked why he does it, Tala gives no reply. It is my belief that Tala does this just to feel the same intensity of sensation he once experienced in the 'abbey', or from his abuse.

I would like to continue seeing Tala every Saturday. I will decide his treatment in due course.

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Bryan flung the folder across the room. He felt his heart beating madly in his chest and the urge to rip everything around him to shreds.

_What the fuck was that?_

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Hey! That was heavy. Sorry about that. But I couldn't think of any other way of letting you know about the suicide and Bryan without random flashbacks and retellings! Please review!

Oh, and thank you very much Blackartofchaos, Darkslight, CyborgRockStar and Dark-anime-slave for reviewing so often. I really look forward to your reviews! It's nice to know I have a following! I'm trying to get through your stories now!


	11. Of bitterness and love

Hey! Welcome to chapter 11! I still can't believe I've got this far! I'm sorry that this is mostly speech, but this is probably the most important conversation in the whole story. (Exp. The one next chapter!). Anyway, I hope you enjoy this, and don't get confused about who's talking!

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Tala rolled over in bed and looked at the clock. It was one in the afternoon.

_Shit, Bryan's really gonna have a go now…_

He got up and was about to get dressed- when the door behind him opened. Annoyed that the intruder didn't knock, Tala kicked back to close the door.

His foot never touched the door, as the intruder was already inside, and had shut it. He turned round, and saw it was Bryan.

"You came back at four last night. Where were you?" Tala was shocked. Bryan actually sounded concerned, he wasn't telling him off.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you." Tala said flatly.

"Tell me Tala!"

"I went to the white tigers apartment, but I outstayed my welcome, and left."

"At four in the morning?"

"Well, I left there at half three."

"What were you doing there?"

"What are you? My mother?" Tala started looking around his room for clean clothes.

"Mariah?"

"No, don't be so stupid!"

"Oh yeah, sorry! I forgot that you're gay!"

"I'm not gay!"

"That's not what your shrink says."

"What?" Tala dropped the clothes he was holding, and looked at Bryan. Bryan dropped the orange file onto the floor in front of Tala's feet, and he stared at it in horror.

"They seem to think I'm in love with you, and that I kissed you that night you tried to bite the dust."

_Dr. Hall thinks that Bryan loves me?_

"And do you?" There was a long pause in which they just stared at each other.

_It couldn't be true? _

_Why didn't Dr. Hall share this with me?_

Bryan tore himself away from Tala's gaze, and looked at the blood stains on the wall.

"What did you do last night?"

"Don't avoid my question!" Tala yelled, taking a step forward. "Do you love me?"

"Tell me first. What did you do last night? You avoided my question before I avoided yours."

"I…"

"Lee, Gary or Kevin? Or maybe it was Mariah!"

"Stop it Bryan…"

"Why do you do this? Why do you sleep around so much? It can't really make you happy! I refuse to believe what that file said about you…"

"What did it say?" Bryan didn't reply, and continued staring at the blood.

"I don't know why you care, or why I should even have to tell you this, but I went over to their apartment with Rei. We all talked for ages, played a few games on the playstation, and had dinner." This was partly true. Apart from this was just with Rei, and not the rest of them.

"And at night? You went with Rei, so I'm guessing you stayed with Rei?"

"Yes. As you so kindly put it, I do get around." Tala could feel tears begin to well up in his eyes, but held them back. He could tell that the outcome of this conversation would affect the rest of his life. He had to make this count…

"Rei? I thought you hated him? Or did that just make it more exciting?"

"He loves me. Did you know that?" Bryan flinched when Tala said this. "Do you love me?"

"You're a boy"

"Do you love me?"

"You're mentally ill"

"Do you love me?"

"You sleep with anyone who'll take you"

"Do you love me?"

"You cut yourself up"

"Do you love me?"

"You tried to kill yourself"

"Do you love me?"

"You haven't even washed those god forsaken stains off the walls!"

"Do you love me?"

"YES!"

The pause which came after Bryan's confession lasted too long. Tala cried silently, and Bryan couldn't believe what he had just admitted to.

"Tala, I love you. But, I just…"

"Save it. You know I love Kai now, and if you really think I'd still love you after what you've put me through over this last year, you couldn't be more wrong!" Tala wiped the tears away, and began to get dressed. Bryan looked at him in shock. "And don't watch me change! Turn around!" Bryan did what he was told, and faced the door.

"Tala, please! I didn't know how to handle…"

"Bull shit! Just shut up okay! So you've read my file, and now you know all about me. In fact, you know more about me than I do at the moment! I don't need your pity!"

"This isn't out of pity!"

"I don't care what it is Bryan! I nearly died twice because of you! How dare you tell me that you love me!"

"You asked!"

"Then you should have lied!" Tala yelled. "Look, I'm going out. I don't know when I'll be back. There's something that I have to do…"

"Kai…"

"Yes actually. I'm going to see Kai. At least I can pretend that everything is alright around him!"

"He came round yesterday…" Tala froze. He was not only scared that Kai had never come round before, but that the whole household knew how he felt about Kai.

"And?"

"We told him everything…"

……………………………………………………………………………..

I was very tempted to keep typing, even though I'd already decided that this was where I was going to stop. I love cliffhangers! I wasn't sure whether Tala should be bitter when Bryan told him, but I think it works. It would just seem to weird if they got together at this point (or maybe at all gonna have to keep reading!).

Anyway. Thank you to everyone who reviewed my last chapter, and please could you leave a review! Thank you!


	12. Long forgotten memories

I'm so sorry it's been a while since my last update! Esp. with the cliff hanger and all! But I've had so much coursework you won't believe! Moving on- chap 12! Sorry that it's a lot of speaking again!

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"How can you look at me? How can you look me in the face and tell me that? How can you love me and still do this to me?" Tala screamed directly into Bryans face, and Bryan stumbled back until his back hit the door. "Why did everything have to change?"

"Cause you kissed me Tala…"

"Haven't you made me pay enough for that mistake? Wasn't trying to kill me penance enough? It's not like you remind and taunt me everyday for it!"

"You are still lying even now…"

"Lying about what?"

"Who you are. I shouldn't have had to read your files to get to know you Tala…"

"Okay then, yes, I'm gay. Happy now?" Tala stepped back a little and sat down on the bed. He looked up at Bryan, who was glaring at him wistfully.

"What's that look for?"

"If you just talked to me -rather than pouncing on me like you did- none of this would have happened. I would have respected you at least. You acted like a coward." Bryan kept smiling, and Tala was finding it harder to be angry with him.

"You tried to kill me."

"I also saved your life when you choose to kill yourself."

"And that somehow makes up for it?"

Bryans smile was wiped off of his face, thinking that this act had in fact made up for it.

"Why did you do it?" Bryan said flatly.

"Do what?" Tala snapped back.

"Try to kill yourself? It couldn't have been over Kai!"

"You read the file- you tell me!"

There was a loud banging from the front door which made both of them jump. Tala stood up and made his way for the door, which Bryan blocked. Tala pushed him harshly out the way, and went down stairs.

He opened it to reveal the Chinese boy.

Rei was panting and his cheeks were stained red. He supported himself on the door frame, and Tala looked at his questioningly.

"You had a lot of courage to come here, Rei. You look really tired…"

"Do you still want me?" Rei begged. Tala remembered his conversation with Mariah and decided what he must do.

"No"

"Will you walk with me?"

"No"

"I want to talk to you"

"I don't want you. Go back home. Go back to Lee…" Rei's eyes widened at this statement, but soon he understood.

"I can't leave you Tala."

"Yes you can," came Bryan's harsh voice, and Rei went flying back down the stairs. Tala tried to trip Bryan up, but he was too fast, and Tala's back slammed onto the ground. Bryan fell on top of him and held his wrists together above his head.

"What are you doing!" Yelled Tala hopelessly.

"Proving something…" Bryan lent in and kissed Tala roughly on the lips. It wasn't particularly pleasant, and it was by no means what either boy had wished for- but Bryan's message was loud and clear. As if marking his territory like an animal, Bryan marked Tala. Tala's neck, shoulder, and chest swelled with these new markings Bryan kept making.

"Get off of me Bryan!"

_Crying_

Bryan continued as if nothing was said, sucking harshly on Tala's skin. Tala fought against the hold on his wrists, but just couldn't move. Bryan was too strong.

_Screaming_

"Bryan please stop this! You aren't proving anything!"

_Begging_

_The taste of copper fear_

_A husky voice_

_Musky breath_

_Huge, strong, hairy hands_

_The pain…_

_The trust…_

"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!" Screamed Tala, pure fear emitted with his voice.

"What's wrong?" Said Bryan- who had already drawn back from Tala and was now standing.

"You read my file! You know what happened to me! And you just made me go through it all again!" Tala drew his knees into his chest and rocked softly back and forth.

"I don't understand…"

"Boris. He used to… Whenever… he would always… God! I was so young! I trusted him…" Bryan looked at the rocking Tala in horror. "Trust is always what people take from you first, Bryan! Once they have your trust- they can do what ever they like… especially when you're too young to understand…"

"Tala, please tell me you're joking!" Begged Bryan, tears welling up.

"I want to be…"

…………………………………………………………………………………..

"Max, how can you tell the difference between friendship and love?" Kai picked up another chip and ate it loudly. The TV was on, but Kai just couldn't watch it.

"That's sure an odd question coming from you Kai!" Max laughed and snatched some of Kai's chips. "Well, everyone will love some of there friends. Close friendships are often classed as love, but they aren't 'in love'."

"Then how do you know a close friend from a lover?"

"You follow your heart."

"That's so corny, it's sickening!"

"True. But it's the only way to do it Kai!"

Kai and Max sat in silence for about 5 minutes, till Max came in with-

"You think you love Tala?"

"No!" Silence. "Well, yes…"

_How could I not have to think about it? He loves me! I've always cherished him- but in what way do I like him?_

…_Everything was so much simple when I wasn't gay!_

"Rei would never make you happy, Kai."

"How do you know that? Did he tell you?"

"We all have eyes Kai. And we all can also see how Tala feels about you…"

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Hum! I wonder who's going to get together! Hum indeed! Lol! Humor me and try to guess! Baring in mind there's still one more twist to come! Thank you and please review!


	13. Someones happiness, is others pain

I'm so sorry it's taking me so long to update! I've had so much work! However, chap13 is here! I hope you like it! And don't read too much into the Max thing…

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Bryan propped himself up against the wall behind him and held his forehead in his trembling palms. It was too much for him to take in all at once. When he'd read the file, he'd hoped it wasn't true, and that it was just the doctor making everything sound worse to get more money. But it was true- and Bryan wasn't coping.

Even though- now he thought about it- he had always wondered. Always known something was up, even when he was a kid at the abbey.

Dull memories of Tala screaming in the night.

Boris dragging Tala away kicking and yelling.

Tala walking funny.

Tala crying…

"What the hell did you do to him?" Bryan looked up slowly to find Rei in the doorway again. Rei collapsed beside Tala- who was still rocking- and hugged him. Rei's affection for Tala took Bryan by surprise, and just made him feel even more lost.

"I didn't do anything…"

Rei was too absorbed in Tala to even notice Bryan's weak reply.

_He really loves him. I can't believe Rei can show his affection towards him so easily. _

_Why can't I?_

_What's wrong with me?_

"Why do you love Tala?" Rei looked up at Bryan and held Tala close to him. He opened his mouth, but said nothing.

_He doesn't know either…_

Rei got Tala to hug around his shoulders, and slowly stood, bringing Tala with him. Tala swayed like a leaf, so Rei held him firmly around his waist.

Tala sobbed into Rei's shoulder.

_Is this what love is? Compassion, endearment, care, worry, concern, pity…_

_I don't think I'm a strong enough person to love like Rei does. _

_But that does not make my love meaningless._

_It doesn't mean that I don't love Tala._

"Give Tala to me Rei." Bryan's voice trembled like the rest of his body. "You shouldn't be here." Tala gripped onto Rei's shirt and brought his head upwards.

At first their lips only touched. A simple, gentle meeting of mouths.

The tears fell softly down both of their faces and entered their kiss.

It was damp. Soft. The emotion of each boy taking control now.

Hands ran through hair.

Tongues slipped over wet lips.

Sharp intakes of breath and quiet moans.

"STOP IT!" Both boys moved slowly out of their embrace to look toward Bryan. "Why are you doing this to me?"

"We aren't doing anything to you." Said Rei

"You don't have to watch..." Tala said.

Bryan slipped away before they started again, and went upstairs to his room.

_What should I call this feeling?_

_Pain? _

_Or is it that my heart is breaking? _

_Do I even have a heart to break anyway?_

Bryan slowly lifted his window open and stood on the ledge, looking down at the road below.

_There aren't any cars below me. There isn't even any people or tarmac. _

_There is only absolution._

……………………………………………………………………………….

"Kai?" Max wasn't used to Kai talking, let alone pouring his heart out.

He patted Kai's head which rested into his shoulder.

"You really slept with Rei?"

"Yes"

"Then what's the problem?"

"I don't know how I feel about Tala…"

"Why should that affect anything? Unless you really do think that you could be in love with him…"

"He loves me…"

"Don't let that ruin everything you have with Rei!" Max pushed Kai up so he could look him in the eye. "But if you ask me, Tala would make you happier than Rei would."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Kai left his arms around Max, and the warmth made Max blush.

"I..I…just don't know how not to be nice, I guess. Yeah, that's it! Ha!" Max tried to get out of Kai's embrace, but Kai held him fast.

"Don't leave me. They all left me, please stay here with me!" Kai sounded more and more like a child, which made Max panic.

"Hey, they haven't left you! Tala's just at his flat, and Rei went over to Lee's last night! Don't be so dramatic!"

"But will you stay with me?"

"I don't think you've been listening Kai!"

"I don't want to listen… I want to…" Kai moved forward, but Max stood up quickly.

"I know you're upset Kai, but please don't do that."

"I'm sorry Max. I'm just so alone…"

Max did want to comfort Kai- but not like that. He didn't want to become a name on an endless list; people who'd Kai had fucked to feel better.

"Please, just hold me…" Kai reached out for Max, and Max caved.

………………………………………………………………………………….

People gave Tala and Rei funny looks as they walked down the street, not that either of them cared. Tala gripped onto Rei tighter, and enjoyed the piggy back like a child would do.

He remembered what Mariah had told him, but he didn't care.

Kai didn't like him like that, so why shouldn't he be with someone who did?

Why should he give a fuck about Lee?

Why did Kai have to keep popping into his head?

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Reading this on it's own, it seems like quite a weak chapter. But then I'm tried as it's 2.07.am. I hope you liked it, and please review!


	14. Max's struggle

I'M SO SORRY! It's been so long since I've updated! I've had HOURS AND HOURS of coursework to do, plus new found obsession with fruits basket! But anyway- I hope you like this!

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Max didn't actually know what to make of what had just happened to him.

He'd just comforted Kai. Kai- the emotionless, heartless bastard!

Kai had slept with Rei recently.

And on top of all that, he practically had to bat Kai away because his sexual advances were so forceful.

He held his hand above him as he lay on his bed, looking straight through it.

_Why would Rei sleep with Kai? I know Kai's always liked Rei- even Tyson managed to pick that up- but I've always thought Rei hated Kai. _

_I always thought Rei liked Mariah? Just shows how out of the loop I am! _

_Maybe I should talk to Rei about it? _

_Or maybe I should even talk to Tala?_

_God! Tala loves Kai? Well, I guess we should have all seen that one coming, but, why is Kai letting it bother him so much? _

_Maybe, hidden deep within his self-conscious, this is what he's always wanted? Maybe he's always wanted Tala to love him, but he's just dismissed his own feelings?_

_God! Look at me now! Trying to slice open Kai's brain! What the hell do I know?_

_Why the hell do I care?_

Max remembered Kai holding onto him tightly, and answered his own question by blushing.

………………………………………………………………………………………

Rei let Tala down off of his back gently, and sighed at the chill from Tala's body's absence.

"Are you sure you wanna be here? We could always go back to the white tiger's apartment." Rei asked Tala. Tala gazed at the 'bladebreakers' sign longingly, and his hand twitched to open the door.

"Yes. I think this is where I need to be."

"You don't need to be anywhere now. You're with me now. You're free. We could even run away if you wanted to! I'd follow you to the ends of the earth!" Rei gasped as Tala grabbed his waist from behind of him, and hugged him.

"We don't need to run away." Tala said carefully. Rei's eyes widened, and he pulled out of Tala's embrace just to look at him.

"What! You mean, you wanna tell Kai? You wanna go out with me properly?" Rei couldn't believe what the Russian boy was telling him.

"I think we kinda have to. I think Bryan would tell him anyway, so it's best we get there first. I can deal with Kai hating me if I've got you, Rei." Rei nearly melted at Tala's words. "D-do you think B-bryan will be okay?" Tala stumbled on his own words, as if trying not to say them, but failing. Rei quickly became solid again.

"He doesn't matter. You don't need to worry about him." The bitterness Rei harbored for Bryan came through quite clearly in his voice.

"He's important…"

"He hurt you. He's worthless scum."

"Rei…"

"I don't wanna hear it!"

"You don't control me, Rei! If this is how it's gonna be with you, I'm going to get out while I can!"

"I'm sorry. You're right I guess. I suppose I just got a little jealous, that's all…"

Just as Rei put his hand on the door handle, someone from the inside opened the door for him.

"I heard voices, so I just wondered who it was." Max mumbled. "Please come in"

Rei and Tala slipped in guiltily after Max, and followed him to the living room, in which they all sat down.

"Is Kai in?" Tala asked.

"No. He went shopping with Tyson and Kenny. He holds the most bags you see…"

Silence.

"Do you guys want a drink?" They both shook their heads.

Silence.

"Are you hungry? I could warm something up." They shake their heads again.

Silence.

Even longer, more awkward silence.

"So what were you doing together then?" Max asked the question he knew he shouldn't have. Tala and Rei shifted timidly in their seats.

"You see, we were- kinda, sorta…" Tala stumbled, trying to think of something.

"We're going out." Rei cut in with, saying it as if it was normal conversation. Max gasped in horror, which forced Tala to blurt out…

"We're going out to a match tonight. We were just arranging it on our way up here." Tala smiled at his own cunning, only to realize he'd just told Rei that he didn't mind telling.

"Give it up Tala. I'm not stupid." Max said calmly. "But don't you think you're being a bit shitty to Kai? He was actually…" Max was about to say 'crying this morning', but didn't to save Kai's ego.

"What do you expect me to do? Love Kai hopelessly from the side lines for the rest of my life, all the while drowning in feelings he'll never return? I'm not going to be the one who's let on their own anymore! I'm not going to be lost and empty ever again!" Tala shocked himself- not only by his choice of words- but with the force of which he'd used to say them. Rei flinched, and Max sighed.

"You're not the one in the wrong, Tala. Rei is the pig here. He's slept with Kai." Max glared at Rei, who seemed unbothered by it.

"I know. I asked him to" Tala said.

"What?" Max yelled.

"Kai loves Rei, not me. I just wanted to make him happy…"

Max suddenly found himself in awe of Tala. The fact that Tala would ask Rei to do that, proved how much he loved Kai. Well, in a twisted way, which you'd only ever expect from Tala.

"And why did you do it Rei?" Max asked coldly.

"Because I love him."

"Kai? Then why…"

"Tala" Rei cut in.

"Rei, could you please leave the room for a while. Go to your room or something." Max asked nicely- maybe even a bit too sweetly.

Rei left without making a fuss, and closed the door behind him. Max was a little intimidated by being left alone with Tala, but he knew in his heart that this was something he had to do.

"Tala, I totally understand why you've ended up with Rei, and I'm not gonna talk you out of it. No one can blame you for this outcome, but…" Max looked up at Tala, who was blissfully unaware of the bombshell Max was about to drop on him. "You said that there was no hope with Kai. That you'd 'drown in feeling he'd never return', yes?"

"He loves Rei, man! I don't know why you're wiping it in my face like this!" Tala stood up and headed for the door.

"There's still hope, Tala."

"I gave up on 'hope' a long time ago…"

"That's not what Kai told me."

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Ha ha ha! You're gonna have to wait till next update to see what Tala thinks of that! Please don't hate me. Please review!


	15. So it came to this

Hello my darlings! Here's my 15th offering to this story. I hope you like it! I nearly made this a song fic, but changed my mind. The next chap will probably be one though! Enjoy!

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"Max? What are you saying…?" Tala's hand dropped from the door handle, and he gaped at Max in wonder.

"I don't know why you're so surprised. You and Kai have always been very close; it's just while you've always been in touch with your feelings- Kai is a bit of an emotional retard. He quite clearly loves you."

"Rei…"

"If he really loved Rei, why were you the only one he could think about? Even after just sleeping with him? Kai was infatuated with Rei's beauty, but in love with who you are."

_Three people are in love with me. I can't wait till I can look back and laugh at this!_

_Kai…_

"Kai…" Tala wanted to cry, but sore tear ducts forbid him.

_Way too much crying lately Tala…_

"As I said- Kai, Tyson and Kenny are out shopping for dinner. We'll be eating when they come back, you can stay if you want…" Max smiled up at Tala, who smiled back.

_Maybe this really will end up to that simple._

"_I love you, Kai." "And I love you, Tala." "Cool, let's eat!"_

_How prefect! _

…………………………………………………………………………………………

"Kai, hurry up!" Tyson yelled across the store. Kai flinched, and picked up his pace a little. Not really looking where he was going, he ended up banging into the shopping trolley Kenny was pushing around.

"Kai, wake up already!"

_I'm the biggest moron in the world. Trust me to get drunk. _

_I'm not even drunk on the few shots of vodka I had. I'm pissed cause of depression._

_I really want to hold Rei in my arms again. I haven't seen him for a while now- I think he's avoiding me._

_And why was Max the one who had to see me like this? God! He's gonna think I'm some sort of pervert now!_

_I didn't mean to start touching him like that…_

"Kai!" Tyson shouted painfully in his ear.

"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!"

"Chill man! I'm only asking you to walk! We're leaving now!" Kai sulked along behind Tyson and Kenny who talked heartily.

It was at the same instant Kai noticed they were in front of Tala's apartment, when he saw the police tape cutting off their path.

"What happened here?" Kenny asked a policeman which was hanging around, keeping people back.

"There was a boy- a little older than you – he jumped out his window."

Kai pushed forward into the crowd, ignoring shouts and the hands reaching out to stop him.

_Please don't been Tala! Please be someone next door to you!_

He surfaced at the front of the crowd and gasped when he saw the bloody pavement before him.

So much blood… It was even running down into the sewers.

After getting over the shock of the amount of blood- Kai looked up at the body being lifted into the back of an ambulance, but all he could see was a shock of blood stained, purple hair.

"Bryan!" Kai tried to get in the ambulance, but he was held back by two policemen.

"Sorry kid, family only."

"Err… He's my half-brother! Please! You've gotta let me go with you!" Kai's struggle fighting back tears was even harder than the police.

"You sure kid?"

"OF COURSE I'M SURE! LET ME SEE MY BROTHER!"

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Rei slowly walked up to his room in tears. He'd heard every word exchanged between Max and Tala. Why had he ever hoped to out shine Kai? Didn't he realize no matter how much Tala said he'd do one thing- in the end if Kai snaps his fingers, he'd come running.

Rei grabbed the side of the sink and looked at himself in the mirror.

_Tala won't ever return my feelings of love. _

_Kai thinks I'm beautiful, but not worthy of being loved._

_Lee… I just can't see him like that!_

_Mariah? She's just a good friend._

_I hate Kenny, and Tyson just bugs me. Max is too hyper._

Rei sighed and opened the cupboard beside him. There were shelves full of different pills, all of which he brushed aside in anger, many of them dropped to the floor. And there, resting at the back, carefully hidden by himself over a year ago. Anti-depressants.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

The phone beside of Max rang, and he snatched it up quickly. Tala jumped at his speed.

"Hey, it's Max."

"Hey Max, it's Kai."

"Really? What's up, you sound flustered."

"Do you know where Tala might be? He's not at home!"

"Ohh! I see! Need to find him know do we, well…"

"I don't have time for this bull shit, Max! Where is he?"

"Sitting next to me on our sofa."

"It's Bryan…"

"What's happened? Kai?"

"Look, I'm at the hospital. By the time you get Tala down here, Bryan will be out of treatment."

"Kai?"

"He jumped out his window…" And at that, Kai hung up.

"What did Kai what me for?" Tala asked innocently.

"It's Bryan." Max swallowed, and carefully said- "He's in hospital."

Tala jumped up and was out the door before Max even told him to do so.

_Bryan… It's my fault… Forgive me!_

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Drama, drama, drama! Anyway, as you can imagine- the next chapter is most likely the one you've all been waiting for. So I'm giving nothing away! MWAAHHH! Please review!


	16. How not to confess everything

Not long to go now! Sorry for long update, but I had too much schoolwork. My parents even got phoned about how crap I am. Eeeekk! I hope you like this, and I know it's short- but I just had to leave it where I did!

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Kai slowly opened the door to Bryan's hospital room, but found himself unable to take a step inside. Bryan had several tubes coming out of each arm, from underneath the sheets, his nose and even an oxygen mask. His face still had dried blood on it as the nurse had failed to wash him carefully. Random machines bleeped slowly at Kai.

A nurse coughed politely behind Kai, and Kai jumped out of her way.

"I'm sorry!" Stuttered Kai.

"It doesn't matter. You must be shocked to see your brother like this. No?" She smiled sweetly at Kai. She was young for a nurse and quite pretty. In her hands were towels and sheets- which she trust into Kai's chest. He slowly took them off of her.

"I'm shocked, yes. I've never seen so many tubes before." Kai looked down at the stuff he was holding. "What is this for?"

"Well, we don't have time to wash and change all of our patients, so when there's a family member present, we put them in charge. A lot of people like it this way!"

"But we aren't that close…"

"Then this is your chance to bond as brothers." The nurse started to walk out. "I bet he'd do the same for you!" And she was gone.

_I'm really sure Bryan would wash me if I was sick…._

_I'll make Tala wash him later._

Kai sat down in the old, rancid chair next to Bryan's bed and looked at him.

"You were always saying how weak people were to feel the need to kill themselves. It's quite amusing to see you in hospital for the very same thing. What a hypocrite!"

_What the hell must have happened?_

"Look. I'm sorry. That's out of order. I have no idea what must of happened to you to make this happen. As much as I don't like you, I don't want you dead. I promise I'll help you sort this shit out if you pull through this."

_Will he pull through this? It was a long fall. And all these tubes and machines…._

"I want to thank you for something, Bryan."

_Tala…_

"Thank you for telling me about Tala. I understand everything now. I understand my feelings for him. I…"

_How can I put this?_

"Okay, I know this is pointless because you can't hear me- but… I think I love him in return. I think… I think I'm in love with Tala."

_Thank god no one can hear me now!_

"He may be the most awkward person I know. He may be cold and boring sometimes. He smells like cigarettes and an open fire. Has an unhealthy obsession with late night movies and getting wasted. He even hits me all the time. But… all the reasons Tala bugs me, are also the reasons I like him so much. If he didn't bug me, it would mean he means nothing to me. You can't be annoyed by someone- unless you love how they normally are."

"Kai?"

Kai spun his head round, and came face to face with…

"Tala? I haven't seen you for days…"

"You meant what you said?"

"What?" Asked Kai.

"Did you mean it when you said you loved me?"

Kai looked away from Tala, and back to Bryan. Bryan's hand had moved since Kai had turned around.

"Kai? It's a simple question!"

"I'm in a relationship with Rei. I've got what I wanted."

"But has it made you happy?"

Bryan's hand clenched the covers.

"No."

"Then leave Rei. You can be with me. I love you!"

"What makes you think you can make me happy?"

"All I know is that I've loved you for so long now, and by the sounds of what you were saying to Bryan, you love me too."

"Why do I love such an idiot?"

Both of the boys laughed louder than they had in months. Finally they both understood.

"Will you stay with me forever, Kai?"

"As long as you never leave me, Tala."

"I love you."

"I love you too"

………………………………………………………………………………….

WOW! I've actually got them together after 16 chapters! Can't believe it took them that long. I only planned this to be 10 chapters! Still twists to come….please review!


	17. love has many faces

I'm very down at the moment, and I bet you can guess by how this chapter turned out. Hope you like and understand. (I told a girl I loved her when I was drunk- we haven't spoken since). Anyway…

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Many people feel that they have to be in a relationship in order to justify their existence. The idea of being alone in such a cold and harsh world- is quite frightening; so the search for that someone who will never leave us is eternal.

Eternal because no one will ever truly understand us for who we are. We will always have to live like we are told to- if we don't want to be subjected to loneliness by our peers and family.

So the search for that other person- that someone to call 'the one I love'- is really a selfish search for acceptance.

Or is it just a search for someone to die with?

……………………………………………………………………………………..

"Max? Why are you crying?" Tyson sat down next to Max, unable to deal with a situation like this. "Where's Kai and Rei?"

"I'm here." Rei said from the doorway.

"Hi Rei!" Tyson said worriedly. "What's up with you? You look nearly as bad as Max!"

"I'm alone again." Rei sobbed, clutching onto the door frame.

"What the hell is wrong with you two? I don't understand!" Yelled Tyson- almost angrily.

"Alone again…With only ever having had a brief taste of what companionship was…" Max whispered.

Hot tears down milky skin.

"What the hell has happened?"

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

You may fall in love with someone, in fact, most of you reading this will probably be in love right now. Maybe you love someone at your school, someone you met at a club, at a concert, one of your friends, someone you've never even spoken to or even know the name of.

Love turns up anywhere where there are people who are lost and alone.

I'm in love at the moment and it is far from bliss. I'm just lost, and she is the only person who I can see out of the darkness surrounding me.

Maybe getting what I want- still won't make me happy.

However, everyone needs someone to die for. It doesn't matter if that princess will never return your affections.

……………………………………………………………………………………………

"Maybe time will stop for us. Maybe we can rest here forever, just like this."

"That's not how it works, Tala."

"You could try to be a little more romantic towards me you know, Kai!"

"I'm used to beating you up, not making love to you. You have to realize how hard this is for me."

"I did realize how hard it was!"

"Not like that, you randy shit!"

"Will you always be here with me, Kai?"

"If that's what you want…"

"You are all I want, Kai!"

"Hold me again."

"I never I'd hear you say that!"

"Please Tala!"

"Anything for my princess…"

………………………………………………………………………………………

Do they make you happy?

Do they take away your pain?

Because if they don't, what's the point of being infatuated with them in the first place?

The person we love makes reactions take place in our hearts. These reactions may be painful to deal with or they may make our lives seem worth living again. They have the power to melt a soul of ice, and set that person free from their prison- but also the power to suck that very same life force away.

Love is neither a pleasant or painful emotion because it depends on context.

Love is always painful when hate is involved.

………………………………………………………………………………………..

_I hate Kai._

_I hate Rei._

_I love Tala. _

"Come to the light Bryan. Let us take all of your pain away from you."

_It feels like something is wrong. _

_I'm approaching death- but something is pulling me back. Something important._

_I can't remember._

_With every passing second, more and more of my memory dies._

_Why can't I recall what is tugging on my heart so much?_

_All I can remember is red hair and red blood. _

_And red hot pain. _

"We will set you free. You can forget everything that happened to you before, and start over."

_Start over? Maybe I will do that._

_But then I'll never know who was red- and why they are in my heart. _

"Red is the colour of blood, of pain, of death. It means nothing to you Bryan, red only brings you pain. Red will never hurt you again."

_But who is red? Why did they hurt me?_

_I want to forget whoever hurts me. But not red. _

"You have no choice. Your feelings and past are lost forever now. You have come too far."

_NO! I want to go back! I want to remember._

"But you can't!"

_I have to find out…I want to remember…_

_What tugs on my heart so much as to lead me back to the living?_

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Love has the power to save people, and also lead them to despair.

So why do humans do it?

………………………………………………………………………………….

Thanks for reading! Please review!


	18. Face the world with honor

I'm not sure weather or not I even need to add this chapter on, but some of you seem confused about if this has ended or not. Well, this story is never gonna have a clear end, as it's not the kind of story everyone is gonna live happily ever after in. But THIS chapter will be its end. (Unless I decide to do a spin-off when I'm shit bored). The last chapter seemed so final because I added the commentary to it- but this chapter will tie up all the loose ends in my outlandish plot line!

I hope you enjoy this stories end, and please review!

…………………………………………………………………………………………

3 Months have past…

**Bryan**

"Can you take another step Bryan?" The nurse asked with Bryan leaning on her shoulder.

Bryan put out his left foot to take a step, but stumbled and fell into the nurse's out stretched arms.

"I'm really sorry, Miss. But I really am trying!" Bryan sobbed into her shoulder.

"It's alright, Bryan! No one is saying you aren't trying. And please, call me Ivy, I'm only 3 years older than you- it feels weird being called 'Miss'!"

Bryan tugged on the fabric at her back, and she held him in return.

"Bryan, can you really not remember anything from before? Like where you were born, your family, your friends…"

"I have nothing. I have no memory of my past." Ivy held him tighter. "Except…"

"What is it? You can remember something?"

"Red." Bryan stated.

"What about red?"

"There is a person- Red- who saved my life. They brought me back here."

"Bryan, I'm sorry to have to crush this memory, but there is no 'Red'. You were saved by the doctors, and brought here by the medics." Ivy whispered.

"No. There is a Red. My memory of him brought me back from death." Ivy slipped out of their embrace to find Bryan was standing by himself.

"Bryan you're standing…"

"I'll find out who Red is and thank them- thank them for the strength they give me."

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Bryan couldn't accept Tala's affection for him when he was younger, but as he got older and embraced his own feelings for Tala, it was already too late. Bryan ended up falling in love with the same person he had hurt so badly out of fear. In the end- Bryan was afraid of letting someone get close to him- esp. when that someone was a boy.

When you let someone get close to you, you run the risk of getting hurt. The one you love could betray you, or cheat on you, or hurt you… Trust is the most painful thing to be abused.

To stop this ever happening- many people build walls around their hearts- never letting anyone become close to them. This means you can never be hurt again- but it also means you can't ever truly be alive.

Make sure the wall around your heart has a door.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

**Rei**

_I'm still alive…_

_I've yet to find out why._

Rei's door slowly opened, and in walked Max with a tray containing hot soup.

Max looked at the bed-bound Rei and sighed. Rei hadn't spoken since 3 months ago, he hadn't gotten out of bed since 2 months ago and he hadn't moved for the last month. Tubes slipped out from under Rei's covers and were held by tall metal stands.

The doctors didn't understand, but Max did.

"Got your soup, Rei. Maybe you would like to try and eat some, huh?"

Silence.

"I don't think that whatever is being dripped into you is very filling."

Silence.

Max placed the tray on the floor and sat on the side of Rei's bed. Rei looked through Max hauntingly, and Max sighed.

"Rei, he wasn't that important. He wasn't that great a person. He isn't worth this pain and suffering for. I can't bear to see you like this…"

Max stoked Rei's face with the back of his hand, and tucked his hair back.

"Tala is with Kai now, you've gotta move on or you could die!"

_Good._

"Rei…" Max let the hand he'd been using to stoke Rei's face drop to his shoulder. "Rei…" He gently leaned forward and finally caught Rei's real gaze. "Rei…" Max brought his lips slowly down onto Rei's- and gave a one sided kiss to the bed-bound boy. He gave his first kiss to someone who couldn't even kiss back.

"Rei please… Please come back to us… to me…" Max rose up slightly to look at Rei, who was looking at him strongly. "Rei?" Rei let out a delayed moan and let his eyes focus on Max's lips. "You want me to carry on? Well, okay then…" Max kissed Rei again with more confidence, and smiled when Rei moaned deeply, but Rei was still not kissing back.

"Rei, I can't, this just feels too…"

Heavy hands clasped onto Max's back, bringing him back down onto Rei's lips, which kissed back with new found passion. Max's eyes widened in shock- Rei hadn't moved for so long now.

Wanting. Needing. Hands searching under shirts. Lips and tongues clashing together.

_Max, you've been here with me all this time… _

"Max, can I…I mean can we…"

"You mean…"

"Yeah."

"But I've never… I mean… not that I'm a virgin…no, I mean…"

"I don't care if you are."

"But Rei, won't it…it's gonna…hurt?"

"Only for a little while."

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Rejection is the main reason not many people let themselves fall in love. Rei loved Tala so much, that when he was rejected, he became completely broken.

It is easy to let yourself drown in painful emotions.

The will to carry on is hard to find, but worth the search. I'm not suggesting that 'everyone needs a reason to stay alive', more that- things will only change if you stay alive.

In tarot, there is a card called Death. While the haunting picture of the grim reaper and its title make people think that it's a bad card- the opposite is true. This is mostly a good card to draw.

Death means change. The end of something old, and the start of something new.

While the end of an old relationship might seem like death, there are also new relationships and companionships to look forward to. If we hung on to every old friend- why would we need to make new ones?

"The fate of destruction is also the joy of rebirth"- Evangelion

……………………………………………………………………………………………

**Tala**

"So three people were in love with you- that's quite impressive!" Dr. Hall took a long slip of lukewarm coffee, while using the other hand to flick through Tala's folder.

"I still don't know why. It's not like I'm anything…"

"Now lets not go down that old road of self-hatred again, Tala." Dr. Hall sighed and put down his mug. "Out of interest, have you been to see Bryan lately?"

"Not since he woke up a few weeks ago. I don't think I could face him awake." Tala looked down at his feet.

"You do know about his memory loss don't you?" He said carefully.

"Yeah…"

"Well I've taken him on now."

"Really!" Tala asked.

"Yes, it seems all he can remember is 'Red'." Dr. Hall raised his hand and pointed at Tala's hair. "I wonder who that could be, huh?"

"What can he remember about…"

"Nothing. And I think its best it stays that way."

"So I can't see him again?" Tala said painfully.

"No. Well, at least for a few years anyway, I'm sending him to Russia when he can walk again. Maybe being in his birth land, will jog his memory."

"I understand, Dr. Hall."

"Moving on- so how are things with Kai?" Dr. Hall smiled knowingly, and laughed when Tala turned red.

"Alright I guess." Muttered Tala in return.

"Sleeping with him?" Dr. Hall asked calmly.

"Err…" Tala wanted to die of embarrassment. "Well, emm… I guess so…"

"Is he good?"

"WHAT?"

"I'm joking, I'm joking." Dr. Hall laughed. "So are you happy now?"

Tala leaned back into his chair and smiled- "Yes"

"Have you stopped cutting now?"

"Yes," Tala almost laughed remembering some of the things he used to do.

"No more one night stands and nightmares about Boris?"

"No, never again."

"Then I think I can let you go now, Tala."

"Really!" Tala's eyes lit up.

"Don't sound too happy to be rid of me! I'd still like to make an appointment for 6 months time, just for a check up. But apart from that- you are now free!"

"Thanks!" Tala stood up ready to take his appointment card to the front desk.

"Wait a moment, Tala," Dr. Hall said seriously. "I'll make sure you know what's happening with Bryan. I'll keep you posted on his condition and progress."

"Thank you."

…………………………………………………………………………………….

There is always light at the end of a dark tunnel.

I got really close to a childhood friend when I was in year 9 (for people in the USA- that is ages 13-14). We were in a band together and would meet frequently, but I never truly knew anything about him. He was always so distant and would never talk about himself, and being so young, I didn't think anything about it.

He would turn up to band beaten up, tired, depressed or stressed out; but I just didn't think anything of it. I was blinded by my misplaced feelings for someone else- and failed to see anyone else's problems.

This guy is where my stories Tala comes from, which makes myself Kai. I only found out about (well… I only noticed) him suffering when he was already too far gone. Nothing I said or did helped him cheer up. It didn't stop the beatings from his father. And it didn't end the nightmares.

And I ended up in love with him, like the fool I am.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

**Kai**

Kai opened his eyes and was greeted by the soft light of the moon. He hadn't had a dream tonight.

_Like to dream_

He let out a wistful sigh and gazed towards the window, where his eyes met a beautiful full moon.

_Cos when I dream_

Kai instantly turned around finding the light mood setting, and looked longingly upon what his eyes met next. The elegant form of the Russian boy. Sleeping.

_I'm with you_

He slept softly and without movement on his side. The loose sheets clung to his form perfectly, giving Kai a good look at what shape his body had to it.

_And you let me do things to you_

And like everything else about him, it was perfect.

_That I would not normally do_

"Thank you god for waking me and letting me witness this scene" Kai thought happily.

_You always play and you want me_

Even though by now, Kai knew what to expect under Tala's clothes because of their intimacy, Tala still took his breath away when he was asleep.

_You never leave my side_

And every time Kai saw Tala like this- it just deepened his feelings for the red head.

_You'll always be in your prime girl_

Kai longed for Tala to wake up and make his dreams become real- or ever better- to pull him into the dream world, where they were the only two people who mattered or even existed.

_Just how I remember you_

How could he have ever over looked Tala? How could Tala capture his heart like this with out even trying- purely by just being himself? How could he feel this strongly and Tala return his love? Why were the dreams so happy now Tala slept in the same bed?

_Lick my wounds_

"I love you, Tala." Kai whispered. Tala dreamt about his past at the abbey, about Boris, about Ian, Spencer and…Bryan. He pondered over what Dr. Hall had told him about Bryan and his own condition. And about Kai…

………………………………………………………………………………………….

"Are you happy now?" Came an unknown voice.

"Yes," replied Kai.

"Yes," said Tala.

"Yes," laughed Max.

"Yes, thank you." smiled Rei.

"Yes, as long as I take everyday as it comes, and face the world with honor. Then I can be free…"

…………………………………………………………………………………………

THE END!

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...cries... it's over…. I'm gonna miss writing this! I really hope you enjoyed this story and that you could understand the points I'm trying to make. (probably won't as I ramble a lot.) I'll make sure I start a new epic (heh heh) soon! Please review!

Thank you so much for reading!


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